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TV Died-Thursday Night

6:00 PM

The Presidential News Conference--Must See TV
It's the highest rated program in history...that's because every station in the nation is carrying it (even the pay networks) to ensure a 100 share of the TV sets tuned in to any live TV channel at the time.

6:30 PM

TV Reunion Showcase--Comedy
Tonight on "The Brainy Bunch Movie" by Paramouse Pictures. It's about Einstein's family stealing a souped-up Ferrare landing in 1945 from Back To The Future by mistake and ending up 50 years into the future!
Wilbur's Workbench--Instructional
Wilbur explains Phillips screwdrivers, Phillip's Milk of Magnesia, and Phillip.
Bowling For Medicine--Sports
My Three Sons-Comedy
Fred MacMurray spends the entire half hour trying to light up his pipe.
The Ironic Man-Crime Drama
The Blue vs. The Grey--War Sports
Civil War championship originally aired in 1861, the ragin' Rebels with Robert E. Lee calling the plays take on the bigger but slower Yankees and grab an early lead. But steady "3-yards and a cloud of dust" philosophy of Coach Grant pays off as The Blues rally to win.
The Brady Bunch--Comedy
The Bradys adopt Benji the dog, but the dog rebels so much that he makes his marks all over the house. Mike literally kicks the mutt out of his house.

7:00 PM

60 Senior Citizens--Magazine
Name That Tuna--Game
Contestants compete for fishy prizes as they battle to name each pictured fish. Charlie Tuna emcees.
Beverly Hills 90210--Middle-Age Teen Serial
Brandon flips when he discovers that Kelly has a hard crush on Ellen DeGeneres.
Fatman and Rubbin'--Adventure
Wheel of Weather--Game
Let's Make a Reel--Game
Probing documentary pins down reasons for sharp increases in acupuncture treatments.
That's Believable!--Magazine
Wheel of Fish--Game
It's a Ripoff!--Discussion
Napoleon selling Louisiana to the U.S.A. for $15,000,000 is discussed.
Springtime For Hitler--Comedy
A comedy that needs no explanation.
Dork and Mindy-Comedy
Little Out House On The Prairie--Drama
Laura replaces all the urinal cakes in western Kansas. Thanks to Donald Kapica.
The Brady Bunch--Comedy
Carol's Thanksgiving at the Brady house turns into a carnival when Greg mistakenly eats part of the bird, and Peter tries to help him reassemble it together with Oscar Meyer bologna to fill in the gaps Greg caused. Kind of like the vise episode.

7:30 PM

The Fake McCoys--Comedy
Wheel of Jeopardy--Game
The Rubik Squares--Game
The Macarena/Lehrer Report--News
NBA Basketball--Sports
Los Angeles Lakers vs. Jackson Five
What If...--Discussion
See how history would be changed if Hank Aaron quit before hitting his 715th homer in 1974.
Down With V-E-G--Comedy
About six friends who are all vegetarian who hang out together.
Boy Meets Godzilla-Comedy
The dynamic duo save the USA from the evil Whatever-Man (Michael Jackson) who intends to overthrow the USA's government politicians and replace them with little boys and become the boy president's first lady.
The Brady Bunch--Comedy
Bobby turns 21, gets his first booze, and drives drunk. Fortuneately, it was in front of a Racer-X videogame!

8:00 PM

Raymond Loves Everybody--Comedy
Ray Romano wakes up and realizes that he unwittingly married Ann Romano from "One Day at a Time!".
The gang are flabbergasted when they find out that they're all brothers and sisters.
Kukla, Harriet and Ozzie--Comedy
Fin City--Comedy
Buffy the "Friends" Slayer--Camp Thriller
TV Reunion Movie--Adventure
See "Simon and Simon meet Garfunkel and Garfunkel" on the reunion movie of the decade.
Who's The Bass?--Comedy Documentary
Jacques Cousteau stars in a fish story of the week.
That's Stupid!--Magazine
Cocktails For Two--Comedy
A Sitcom like "Cheers" only set in a 1940s dinner restaraunt.
It's a Different Kind of Friendship, Charlie Brown--Cartoon
Is Linus close to Charlie in another way? Also, Marcie and Peppermint Patty come out!
A new hospital opens up across from Mel's Diner, which is a great convieience for Mel's customers who get sick from his chili.
Fish 'N CHiPs--Crime Dramedy
Abe Vigoda stars as Chief Fish of the California Highway Patrol with Larry Wilcox and Eric Estrada as the patrol's beefy motorcycle cops.
MFL Football-Sports
The Redskins and the Indians recreate the 1849 old fashioned battle with arrows and axes.
The Waltons--Drama
The whole family pitches in to help guest cousin Jim-John-Pete-Billy-Bob-Joe-Henry-D.J.-Tom-Larry-Moe-Curly Boy Walton remember his whole name. David Tanny guest stars as that cousin.
Secret Lives of Commercial Actors--Documentary
Madge the manicurist discusses her secret lust for the Matag repair man. Mrs Olson claims to be the love child of Juan Valdez. Pillsbury Doughboy admits to his involvement with the Kennedy Assassination. Thanks to Rik Anthony K-Hits 96FM
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
Tom explodes at Tommy's bad grades so much that he takes advantage of the federal student exchange and enrolls him as a Sweathog at James Buchanan High in Brooklyn; in exchange, Tom gets to raise an even dimmer Vinnie Babarino!
The Cosby Stone--Sitcom

8:30 PM

Leave It To Cosby--Comedy
Bill Cosby can't figure out where this new kid in the house named the Beaver came from.
Chessie--Sports Comedy
Christina Applegate challenges Deep Blue.
Heave It To Beaver--Comedy
Roseanne Explodes!--Comedy
Welcome Back, Einstein--Comedy
a high-school comedy, Professor Albert Einstein teaches a class in "Relativity" at Princetown. The entire class flunks because nobody understands his theory, mainly because nobody understands him! He speaks with a thick German accent.
The Dentist--Comedy
A comedy starring Steve Martin as a successful dentist in the Bronx with a host of characters and celebrities needing dental work.
Grace Under Fire Goes Insane!--Comedy

9:00 PM

Lesbian Pairs Ice Skating Championships--Comedy
Finally realizing that showcasing 14-year-old teen girls wasn't going to get much of a rating, ZBS wises up and covers ice skating in an angle guaranteed to lure the elusive male TV viewers: professional lesbian ice skaters, aged 18-25 years, in pairs, looking as good as the Baywatch babes. Howard Stern is the commentator of this competetion.
Jerry gets elected as Vice President of the United States, but a challenge looms as Jerry tries his best to do exactly what his job calls for...doing nothing.
In Living Color--Comedy Variety
Homey the clown is wanted for arrest for murder, but when the warrant is issued come showtime, he was gone. Then on live TV, Homey was seen on some nearby freeways in a white Ford Bronco. When questioned on the murder charge, he replied, "I don't think so, Homey don't play that kind of game" and bops the prosecuter with his club.
My Three Gay Sons--Comedy
Thursday Night Opera--Comedy
Admit it! XYZ has been a failure programming this time slot since Barney Miller retired two decades ago and nothing they programmed in this timeslot has worked. So, they go for something so different instead.
Phillp's City--Drama
Star Trek: Just Because You Trekkers Will Watch Anything With Star Trek In It!--Adventure
PSB Wednesday Night Movie--Romantic Drama
Tonight on the movie "Romeo and Juliet", teenage romance with a family feud without Richard Dawson causes a tragic ending. Sound familiar? It should. It's West Side Story without the music, which was the best part.
Spit Up, America!--Talk
Bright College Days: 90210--Dramedy
Nine Harvard students are transferred to California University where they have to deal with the 30-something college students, Brandon, Donna, Steve, Kelly, and the others too old to be believed.
Cheers, She Wrote--Comedy
In Boston working on a case, Jessica Fletcher drops into Cheers, drinks a few too many and wakes up the next morning with Norm.
Breck Rogers In The 25th Century--Adventure
Breck foils an attempt by archenemy Planet L'Oreal to inject deadly toxins in the wheat germ shampoo.
Lifeline Movie--Drama
"The Boy Whose Mommy Watched Far Too Much Television"
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
Sarah's teething pain drives Susan and Merle so mad spending so much time trying to figure out why she's crying that they forget to watch the Luke and Laura wedding on General Hospital.

9:30 PM

Jerry, Elaine, and George go on a world wide scavenger hunt in search of Kramer's first or last name but nothing happens.
I Be Gillis--Ebonic Sitcom
NHL Hockey--Sports
Boston Bruins vs. Boston Market
Fright Court--Comedy
Judge Scary Stone decides on very scary court cases.
Boulder Miller--Sitcom

10:00 PM

Chicago Hope--Drama
Both "E/R" and "Chicago Hope" decide to use the same scripts at the same time.
Both "E/R" and "Chicago Hope" decide to use the same scripts at the same time.
Melrose Place--Drama
Amanda is steamed when Shannen Doherty rents one of her apartments, trashes the place, and stiffs her.
Doctor Kill Patient--Medical Drama
Hosts Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters demonstrate the miracle of Viagra.
River Phoenix: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills--True Hollywood Tale
Tonight on "Greased", it's a tender story of Vampires in the 1950s.
Star Drek: Annexed Variation--Science Fiction Space Opera
Rikirk is miffed when Choi can't "sense anything" between them during a romantic evening. (thanks to John Giudice)
"Unclothed Anguish." Joyce DeWitt.
Kinko The Clown--Adult Drama
Chronicles the improsioned child molester's life in prison for twenty years.
The family flick, "101 Dalmations Get Run Over By 101 Moving Vans!"
Benny Hill Street Blues--Crime Comedy
The chubby British comedian chases Joyce Davenport around Captain Furillos' desk for an hour.
Batman and Superman Love Stories--Superhero fantasy
Debut: Superman/Clark Kent (Dean Cain) is married and a father, but he and Lois Lane-Kent get divorced when Clark comes out of the closet (or is that "comes out of the phone booth") and asks the studly Bruce (Batman) Wayne (George Clooney) to be his life partner. In the opener, The two superheroes come to Ellen Degeneres' aid when she is attacked by a band of gaybashers. Also, Lois sues for custody of her and Clark's five-year-old superhero son Martin, and forbids him from attending Bruce and Clark's uniting. Also, the wedding night of the two alternative supersweethearts finds the virginal Bruce fainting in ecstasy at his first taste of the Man of Steel's CLARK Bar. Thanks to SisSparki for the article
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
President Ronald Reagan visits Sacramento, but forgets what he was there for. Supposedly to visit the Fords, he mistakenly enteres the Bradfords home by mistake.
We don't know what it is at press time or we'll tell you what they have on tonight.
Hawaii Five-OOOO B.C.--Crime Drama

10:30 PM

11:00 PM

Melton Place--Serial
A jellyfish scare turns out to be Pamela Anderson's old breast implants.
Mr. Rogerz 'N The 'Hood--Urban Drama
The speedy delivery postman tries some crack and goes postal, shooting down all the puppets in the land of make believe; Mr. Rogers battles him Rambo style with grenades, AK-47s and torpedos until he finally defeats the mad postman.
Under Scrutiny With Whimsical Will--Demented News
A news show where he spends 30 minutes with one demented topic expanded as if it really needed to.
in "All Shook Up", Rachel misplace's Monica's coasters; Phoebe fixes some no-fat crawfish pie for an obese living legend she meets Rollerblading; Ross thinks he might have a brain tumor. Rachel: Jennifer Aniston. Clyde Tuscaloosa: Elvis Presley.
Starsky and Hutch--Crime Drama
Hutch becomes infected by a mysterious disease which has no known cure. Starsky finds an antidote but it costs too much money, so he doesn't buy it, Hutch dies.
Nut's Landing--Serial
Jerry Springer--Full-Contact Discussion
Topic: "My Wife Thinks She Is Erica Kane!"
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
In "Still Yet Another Seven Days In February", this time, Nancy, Elizabeth and Joanie decide to date the Bee Gees!
News Fresh From The Telechisler--News
Beavis and David Tanny--Crude Comedy

11:30 PM

"The Three Stooges Run a Major Broadcast Network"
Arsenio's Tall--Variety
Dick Clark's Rockin' Valentine's Day--Music
"Abbott and Costello Meet The Spice Girls"
Samarai Tailor--Comedy
The Midnight Star--Tabloid News
A nightly tabloid show produced by the friends of "Weird Al"
The Capitol Steps--Comedy
in "You're The Devil In Disguise", Kramer is invited to deliver the keynote address at a convention of Jerry impersonators; Elaine tells Jerry that she's been carrying a big purse all year in order to conceal a pregnancy. Jerry: Jerry Seinfeld. Gerry: Elvis Presley.

12:00 MID

Politically Incorrect--Discussion
Scheduled: Pamela Anderson, Farrah Fawcett, Suzanne Somers and RuPaul join Bill Maher in a futile attempt at a discussion of the day's events.
The Weird Al Show--Children
Midnight With Wildman Fisher--Variety
A 60 minute variety-comedy talk show where he sings a popular song acapello every night.
"James and the Giant Penis" (1996)
Magnum P.U.--Crime Drama
This episode is a real stinker as the whole cast go through the entire episode without showering!

12:30 AM

0:00 AM

0:30 AM

1:00 AM

Sick Cavett--Throwing Up Talk
Funny Videos--Music

1:30 AM

"The Three Stooges Meet The Three Bears"
"Abbott and Costello Fight Mike Tyson"

2:00 AM

Mad About Caroline--Comedy
Bad Movies All Night!--Til Dawn, We Hope

2:30 AM

3:00 AM

3:30 AM

"The Three Stooges Meet The Hanson Boys"
"Abbott and Costello Play Nintendo"

4:00 AM

4:30 AM

5:00 AM

5:30 AM

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